Irritable Me

Yes, it’s this time again. There is something in my system that drives my stress levels up constantly. One consequence is that I am going to write more on WP. That is the good part. Everyone likes to read something ranty from time to time, and there’s more of that coming from me. It also means that my demon will be more active, and I will be a lot less sensitive for other people’s feelings. Well, in some situations. When that person has recently disappointed me, for instance. I will also be more snappy. Better not bother me while I’m reading. Or writing. Pretty much doing anything that requires some degree of concentration and focus. And for god’s sake, do not knock on the bathroom door when I’m doing #2!!!

What has brought this on? What makes me so irritable? It’s not like I start hating on everything for no reason. There’s always something shitty that precedes these phases. I am a very patient dude. Most of the time, I can just shake it off when something stupid happens. But see, I don’t really just shake it off. I have a shit meter that just keeps filling up, and when it reaches the red line, I turn irritable. That’s when I give all of the shit back to people, and then some. Until the shit meter goes back to 0*.

I used to be more direct with shit when I was younger. I figuratively exploded when people gave me shit. Not literally. Misuse of “literally” is a surefire way to drive up my shit meter. I digress. Even at the smallest provocations I would go off. It wasn’t until I got into serious fights that I started cooling down. I literally needed people to beat the figurative shit out of me. Beautiful use of literal and figurative, eh?

So, what kind of shit have I been exposed to, recently? Work is pretty much o.k. right now. The kind of shit I get there is quickly and easily processed. I just had my bike fixed for lots of money, but that is compensated by the fact that I can ride my bike again properly. Regular exercise is very important to keep the shit meter down. Reminds me: I pulled a muscle in my neck that prevents me from doing push-ups, an essential part of my workout routine. How would a pulled neck muscle prevent me from doing push-ups? Well, that particular muscle is essential in stabilizing my head during push-ups, and it feels like it might tear every time I push. Also I can’t turn my head to look over my left shoulder. But that’s not nearly enough to drive me to the red line. So what else is there?

A lot of shit was released into my system when a woman who I got emotionally invested in blocked all avenues of contact as it was about to get serious. And I don’t mean serious like starting a relationship, but serious like meeting for the first time. First drain me emotionally, and then leave my ass out to dry in Cyberspace? Not cool. Frustration with the opposite gender is always a driving force behind my shit meter. Probably anyone’s, for that matter.

Then I have created this absolutely rad PnP RPG. I even created a Character Manager in C#, which only took a few hundred hours of work. “Thank you, Phillip, for creating comprehensive rules, a super cool Universe, and an extensive super complex but easy to use character manager so we can all have fun together! I’ll familiarize myself with all of this ASAP, and if there’s something I don’t understand, I’ll just ask you for help”. That’s what you want to hear when you did something like that. But noooo, cometh the first combat – which is what 80% of all rules are ever for in any PnP RPG – nobody has an effing clue what to do. Not even the GM, who is not me, and doesn’t work 220h every month, has an idea how to conduct the scenario. Not feeling like my work is appreciated is a very big heap of shit under the meter.

Last, but not least, is people not listening when I talk. Mostly it’s interrupting, but often is also substituting what they want to hear for what I say. Or just not paying attention. A recent example: I asked my pal when he’d be home from work because I needed something to watch during the night shift, and we agreed that I would meet him at his place at 17:30h. Or so I thought. I made an 18km detour on my bicycle to meet him at his place, and I deleted all non-essential files from my phone to ensure that there was enough free storage for the videos – Adventure Time with Finn and Jake seasons 4 and 5 – and he was a no-show. I called him at 17:45, to find out he was at a pub, and that he thought I meant the day after, even though I had called him just 2 hours earlier to make sure he understood I meant THAT DAY. That was yesterday, FYI… so now I have been sitting here, at work, all alone, for hours, with nothing to listen to or watch BECAUSE I DELETED EVERYTHING FROM MY PHONE FOR THOSE VIDEOS!!!

Yup, that blew the shit meter over the red line. He already knows that I am very angry, and he is very sorry. I am going to take every chance I can to remind him of this incident for an undetermined length of time.

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