I can’t really think of a title for this post. If you do find one heading this, it’s because it came to me later, probably half-way into writing. For the writing me, this is in the future. For you, the reader, it’s in the past. Seriosly, it’s messed up, and it’s nothing out of the ordinary. See how insane our world is, under our noses, and most of the time we don’t notice it.
What also went mostly unnoticed was the deep, personal anguish a friend and quasi-colleague of mine had been experiencing for, as far as I can judge, his entire conscious life. Quasi-colleague because while we worked at the same company, we had different employers and worked in different departments. That’s not particularly important right now. His anguish is no more. He took drastic measures a few months ago to end this.
He was a curious person, both in the sense of being an object of curiosity to many as well as curious of his environment. We talked much in shared night and weekend shifts. He was a beautiful person of justice and integrity. Very much like myself, he got enraged easily in the face of social and personal injustice and injury. And very much like myself he was painfully aware of our individual limitations to alleviate these unjust circumstances. Unlike myself, he was unable to communicate his troubles with many people who cared.
Rationally, I know that I couldn’t have done more to ease his pain. Emotionally, I wish I could have. In retrospect, I did notice him falling apart more and more in the weeks leading up to his disappearance. Just recently, I dreamt of him walking through the gates to work, where I told him he should never pull such a move again. When I awoke from that dream, I wished that it had lasted just a moment longer.
As far as I know, his urn was interred in an unmarked grave. There was a minimal ceremony, in secret, with no guests, and no eulogy.
But everyone who knew him misses him dearly. And he will not be forgotten.