Yeah, what about them? I wouldn’t say I’m obsessed with them. Not more than any other male. But still, when I see that someone liked my posts, I go down this checklist:
It’s not like anything serious is going to happen with anyone I meet in the blogosphere. I also very much appreciate likes from everyone else. And I haven’t ever met anyone from the blogosphere in Person. Judging by physical distance, Elkement is probably the closest, and the most likely to meet therefore, me living in southern Germany, her in Austria; but she is not single, afaik. No matter, really. This is not my hunting ground. Still, since I am young, male and single, I am (very much, if not most) interested in the reactions of young, single women towards my thoughts. May I define young? It ain’t easy. When I was 20, I would’ve hardly considered myself young at my current age, and young females would’ve been at most my own age. Now, that I’ve gotten close to 30, I find that a person may still be young at heart, literally, up to the age of 35. This is an entirely arbitrary number, mind you. And as I continue aging, myself, my perspective on the matter also changes. Will I feel like an old man, when I am 40, or 50, or even 60? How will I perceive the opposite sex as I age? Naturally, this is not the first time I think of this. What I’ve not felt until recently, however, is the longing for permanent companionship.
How is that supposed to work? I’ve never even had a trial run that lasted for more than 3 months. Most people I know don’t even know they’re ready after 3 years of living with the same person. What about my plans for the future? If I want to become a successful, independent security agent, I can’t get into anything serious for another… 7 years, optimistic estimation. I don’t want to be a new father at 40. When I was 20, my plan was to graduate at the age of 25, get a good job, marry and be a father by 28. A simple and ordinary life, with an interesting, well paid job.
Why can’t I be ordinary? Why do the Weird long for the normal, and the Normal for the weird? Is the grass really greener on the other side? Or is the ordinary life as difficult as the weird life? To my mind, the ordinary life doesn’t seem as dull as the ordinary people perceive their lives to be. To my mind, ordinary simply means "ordered", while my life feels like utter chaos. Sure, I am used to it, and adapting to an "ordinary" life would be quite a challenge. Adapting to a job, as I have over the past year, was a challenge, even though my job is anything but ordinary.
Recently, on The Walking Dead, a character said "ain’t nothin’ sadder than an outdoor cat, thinkin’ he’s an indoor cat". Am I an outdoor cat, who so desperately wants to be on the inside?