what am I looking for?

I watch many tv shows. Most contain an array of unorthodox characters. They are somehow flung into the world. They are mostly outside of their comfort zone, usually because they don’t have comfort zones. Whatever they do, they are constantly trying to defy the nature of their being. And there is no respite.

But they have a purpose.

One reason for my depression is a lack of purpose. I don’t always feel that way, but often enough. I have only one responsibility, and that is to myself. My employer, you ask? Yeah, well, I rather consider that a responsibility towards myself. So long as I don’t screw up royally, it would still be more trouble to get rid of me and find someone new than to just keep me for a while. So whether or not I do my job well is pretty much up to me.

I can’t just wait for a purpose to find me. I’ve learned that the hard way. Whatever is out there for me, I must seek it out. And if there’s anyone who’s simply stumbled into their purpose reading this: You lucky Bastards!

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6 thoughts on “what am I looking for?

  1. Sounds like you’ve accomplished one aspect of real life – a steady job. The other aspect is a stabile familial relationship – like a wife and some kids. The older I get the more wisdom I see in old-fashioned logic.

  2. Purpose is elusive. I feel the same thing very often; what is my purpose? I feel knowing is essential otherwise you can become like flotsam and jetsum on a vast and endless sea. I wish you luck with your search.

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