The importance of being cruel

Nope, this is not about ethics. This is about mental health, coming to terms, getting back. No, I am not hurting, currently. But I’ve had lots of that, so I know what I’m talking about. And I’ve seen what happens when you can’t be cruel.

My new girl and I were playing a game of truth or drink (somewhat of a variation of truth or dare, but I digress) tonight. We asked each other, what it would mean for either of us if the other said that it wasn’t working out. Basically, what I answered was that I would hutz badly, but eventually I would move on, mainly because I am able of being cruel to myself. I would figuratively rip my heart out of my chest (no, definitely NOT literally!), detach all of my feelings and fill the gaping wound with booze for a few days before I would reinsert my heart and reconnect, having gained some distance. Now, I know it doesn’t exactly sound healthy to drink away my pain, but what else am I going to do? Getting into a new relationship before I’ve worked out the failure of the previous just leads to a terrible spiral of denial and depression, and thinking it over and over again leads to nothing, which is depressing in its own right and gains me no distance to the tragic event. Being able to feel absolutely nothing at all for a short while, emotional flat-lining, is a privilege of the cruel. And as long as this cruelty doesn’t spill over and poison anyone else close to you, it is a good thing.

I have seen what happens when this cruelty is directed towards the hurting person’s environment. It is not a pretty picture. The hurting person is considered a sour loser, and gets no compassion, or very little. I have seen what happens when a hurting person can’t disconnect, even for the shortest while. They become bitter and depressed, unable to believe in themselves, or anyone else, for that matter. All of the resentments held toward a single person seep out of their wound and their every action and word leaves the bitter taste of bile on everyone’s tongue. Those who wish to help find their efforts unrequitted, unappreciated, and uneffective.

So please, my dear brothers and sisters in suffering, tear out your hearts, drown your gaping wounds in sweet oblivion, and be reborn to this cruel world full of new energy and fresh hope.

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4 thoughts on “The importance of being cruel

  1. I hope for you, and for your girl, that it works out. I have been with my girl for nearly 40 years. There were time when we thought it wasn’t working – horror of horrors. I don’t know what I’d have done if we had called it quits. I’m glad we didn’t

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