Just recently, I wrote on my blog about making decisions on an emotional basis. Writing with another blogger, whom I consider one of the best friends I haven’t met yet, I had a very strong memory. A memory from a very difficult time in my life. A memory of a time when I was very re- and suppressive towards my emotions. A memory of a time before I started blogging, or actually writing at all.
The memory was about me telling a friend that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. And I don’t mean physically, but emotionally. Had he been any good as a counselor, he would have told me to seek professional help. I was very depressive. I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I was trying to meet other people’s expectations, doing what others wanted me to do. Not that there’s anything wrong with serving others, as long as you don’t forget about yourself. I hadn’t only forgotten about myself, I had forgotten myself. I didn’t act on my own feelings then.
Not much later than that, I started doing what I wanted. Well, I started finding out what I wanted. I quit the fraternity (Yup, I was a frat boy, haircut and all), gave up on my physics degree, and started exploring myself again (emotionally. Physically, I knew what was “up”).
Believe me, it is a wild ride…