I hate being weak. It’s not about other people seeing me as weak, though. It’s not like I can hide it from the world. I just hate being weak. That also doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. On the contrary, it happens far too often, for my taste. There are situations when I am responsible for my weakness. When I’ve had too much to drink, and I have a hangover, I am weak, and I could have prevented that by not drinking. Those weaknesses I need to soldier through, without outside help. But, instead of giving up drinking, I trained my discipline. Not the kind of discipline that stops me from repeating my mistakes, but the discipline that makes the fallout from these mistakes more tolerable. Let’s face it: People don’t learn from mistakes. Well, they do, but they don’t learn how to avoid the mistakes. At least until they are sick of repeating the same mistake again and again and again et ad nauseam. That’s when they get help. Well, to be precise, that’s when they wish for help. When they finally realize that their destructive habit is out of control. But that doesn’t mean they actually get help, or the help they wanted, the one they were hoping for. Because they need to go out there and look for that help. They need to find out what kind of help will actually do the trick. And it’s not a trick, either. Getting help is a lot of work. Not just the finding help, and finding out what kind of help, but receiving help as well. If people help out of the goodness of their heart, they’ll want you to work with them. If you get professional help, you’ll have to wait for a VERY long time, and you’ll need steady income, in the US even more than in Germany.
Now, substitute every “they”, “people” with “I”, for me, and for yourself. I’m a good little soldier, I haven’t gone for help yet. I’ve gone from one flotation device to another, and I’m still breathing air.
When I’m not responsible for my weakness, I have no problem finding help. But that is boring. Writing about that is too much of a waste of time.