Sometimes I do wonder how we go on. Life is really frustrating. Well, it can be. There is always something that you haven’t done before. You can’t avoid it, no matter how homostatic you are. Yes, I got that word from TBBT, Sheldon Cooper said it.
Sheldon, however, doesn’t perceive this as tedious. If there’s something he can’t handle, it’s because it’s so far below him that other people should handle it, because, well, everyone else is right down there with that trivial stuff. If he does want to acquire a new skill, like Hackensack, he goes to enormous lengths to keep it a secret (season 6 episode 8: The 43 Peculiarity). Sorry for spoiling it, you’ll still love the episode. If you are a TBBT fan, that is. If you’re more of the Community type, well, they still have to come up with a comparable episode. As adorable as Abed is, he is fundamentally different from Sheldon, so it won’t exactly work with him. I digress.
I always have to start over in my mind after those two words: I digress. As I’ve mentioned in an earlier post, my mind is like a weird train ride, and every time I change trains, I can’t return to the previous station, because it is lost in the mists of time. So, I need to find a new train that will take me to my destination, which can be quite an effort after a digression, or, if you will, a detour. And now it might seem that I’m on the right track, but as this is my mind, and the next station is also hidden in the mists of time, now the future, I can never know for sure. Another detour.
Of course, this is only the way I see things. On the outside, I am perfectly normal. Not perfect, but normal. I also seem rather coherent to most people I encounter, when it’s not in a pub, so it doesn’t seem to be a disadvantage that I am a little crazy. Starting over, after what I’ve said, shouldn’t be that much of an issue for me.
Well, it is, in some situations. A few months ago, I found a job that I could do and keep writing at the same time. It is a time-consuming job, but it is mostly quiet and I am alone for a few hours during my shifts as a security employee. That is, my shifts would be quiet and me alone if I actually got the job. Up to now, I worked for a shifty PI who owes me far too much money and who doesn’t officially employ me, or anyone else. Now that I’m going legit, I am confronted with all kinds of hurdles, beyond regulations that I fulfill easily. First of all, nobody seems to answer initial applications. I Live in the country that invented the word efficiency; does that sound efficient to you? It is f-ing frustrating! Less than an month ago, I had started an internship with a prospective employer, but after two days of work, I came down with the flu – it was just the time of year. I still haven’t sent anyone a notice from my doctor, because nobody can or wants to tell me where to send it. Even if they took me after this, I don’t think I could work in such a chaotic environment.
I just heard myself saying this. “I can’t work in such a chaotic environment”. I am Chaos Personified, that’s what you’d hear from anyone who knows me. Well, there’s chaos, and there’s chaos. Within my chaos, I am very well organized; people just don’t recognize that. They only see a big pile on my desk, or all the links on my desktop, but they never see me using any of those. It is very well organized, but it isn’t tidy. It’s organic, albeit not alive; that would be straight-out disgusting. I digress, but I think I’ve already made my point a paragraph ago; that would be: I’ve never been properly employed in my life, and trying over and over again to apply for jobs that they would give a total moron for lack of qualified personnel is simply frustrating. Not that I look down on your regular moron, as if I were better than him. I’m just better qualified. I digress