Doompocalypse NOW!

Now, this is hypothetical, so don’t wet your pants. There is a meteor – it’s actually still an asteroid, it doesn’t become a meteor until it actually enters the atmosphere, but for the sake of not being a giant nerd, I’m going to use THE WRONG WORD for the rest of this post – heading for our little blue planet, massive enough to obliterate said planet. The probability of this impact is 97.3%. Unlike the Mayan apocalypse, which I gave a 0.003% chance of happening – that is really low, somewhere down there with your blood alcohol content after you’ve had a freshly pressed orange smoothy – this is quite a bleak outlook.

Confronted with almost certain doom for the human race, what do I do? I certainly don’t have the money to install a doomsday bunker in my back yard, nor do I have said back yard. There are medieval catacombs in my home town where I might survive the heat and pressure wave that results from the impact, but they would likely collapse under the globally occurring earthquakes magnitude 15. A bank vault might do the trick, but they can’t be opened from the inside once shut, and within a day, I would suffocate, especially if I weren’t the only person with that great idea. So, what’s left for me to do than sit on my hands?

I certainly could have a great time. I figure, under those circumstances, many people would panic and go feral, our governments would fall within weeks. Absolute Chaos would reign, raiding, raping, pillaging, murder, mayhem. I guess, most people wouldn’t live to see the Doompocalypse. I said in an earlier post that I believe in Humanity. Well, I do, but humans lose their humanity under extreme circumstances. Doompocalypse is the very definition of ultimate extremity. I could follow my basic animal instincts, kill who and when I want, take what I want when I want it, have my way with whomever I want. There would be no consequences, no repercussions, no institution to sanction my behavior.

So, what do I do?

I hoard. Useful things. Food. Weapons and Ammunition. I organize with friends, family, people I can count on. There is, after all, a 2.7% that the meteor will miss, and then I control vital resources. From there on, I am the President of the New World Order.

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2 thoughts on “Doompocalypse NOW!

  1. We wouldn’t see it coming with our own eyes, and those who would see it coming probably wouldn’t tell the rest of us just to avoid the panic situation you describe. It could be coming upon us as I write this – or it may be next week, or in a million years. But when it comes it will surely be a surprise for most of us. If word did leak out It would probably be written off as just another stupid doomsday thing like the Maya Calendar.

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