Again, i am prompted by a prompt on Plinky, to reveal one of my most personal opinions and problems. The question is, whether there is a bad habit someone very close to me has, that I wish they would get rid of. The person would be my brother, and the habit would be pulling me down. It’s not so much in the things that he does with which he pulls me down, it is in the way he feels. I have also very much stretched the word habit in this case, since it isn’t really anything he can really do about. Emotions are emotions because the come before the motion, they are the most basic motivs to our actions. And, I like to claim, I am an extremely empathic person. I pick up on other people’s emotions quickly. Over the years, I have learned to condition my emotions, to keep them in check. But it doesn’t always work. The closer a person is to me – not physically – the harder it is to block out the emotions. Who is close to me? Well, that would be my brother and sister, followed by my parents and my best friend and film protagonists, when played convincingly (Yes, my tears are real when I watch TV). Anyway, this isn’t an accusation against my brother, but a futile cry for attention, since there is no real blame to go around.


4 thoughts on “Swamped

  1. I think we all know about this situation, but I’m not sure anyone realized how much it hurt you. Your brother also knows and has expressed to me his regret for all the put downs he has doled out to you over the years, but yes, it seems he has not been able to break out of this vicious circle. When he does it the next time you should learn to remind him, “hey, when you say things like that it hurts my feelings”. Maybe then he will catch himself and say “I’m sorry”.

    1. It’s not about what he says. I tell him that it hurts, and eventually, he apologizes. I am talking about the helplessness he feels when confronted with the world, the traumas of leaving home as a child and being torn from the place he so learned to love as an adolescent. I am talking about Angst, about Weltschmerz, which have had him in their grip ever since Наташа left him. It is also one reason why I shouldn’t be near him for longer than a week.

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